Two is better than one

Home for the weekend.. weight this morning: 158.4. I was extremely excited to see that number. But more than that, i'm so pumped about last night. My boyfriend got a gym membership to a local fitness center, because he's ready to get in shape, and he's got some free passes for people to go. He asked me if i wanted to go with him, and of course I said yes. So we got ready and headed into town last night.It was our first time working out together, and to be honest, I didn't know how it was going to go. I have my set routine that I do in the gym: stretch, weights, cardio, sometimes abs. I knew that he was new to the whole workout thing, and I didn't want to seem too imposing or cramp his style. But, I have to say, 5 minutes of stretching, a couple sets of squats and incline bench, and 20 minutes of cardio later... I loved it. It wasn't a super hardcore workout, but i thought it was a great bonding experience for us. Seeing each other push hard and trying to better our health is really rewarding. I'm hoping to go tonight or tomorrow with him. This just gives me more motivation because I know that he understands a little of how this weight loss journey feels like. Did i feel pretty? hell no. I sweat when I workout.. a LOT. it's rather embarassing. I had my hair pulled back in a high pony tail, no makeup on, and my face was as red as a tomato. But i didn't care one single bit, first off because working out is for me. I can deal with looking a nasty mess to get the results. Secondly, my boyfriend has seen me at my absolute worst, and he still thinks i'm beautiful. So the overall experience was an amazing confidence booster and bonding time. I'm so proud of him, because he's put on some weight in the past few months, but he's doing something about it, and it all starts somewhere. I feel like this will be better for me because I have an accountability partner that's not at school, so it's almost like we're on this journey together, but separate.

I'm not worried about eating super healthy this weekend, like I said in the beginning, I'm not trying to do this quickly, I want it to last. A few chips and some chocolate aren't gonna kill me, and I hate feeling deprived because then I end up bingeing hardcore. I'm feeling hungry, think i'm gonna go rummage in the kitchen for something to eat. :)

Morning Workouts

I'm not gonna lie, I'm a big fan of morning workouts. That being said, I rarely have the time to go in the morning, unless I get up at like 530 to go, and we all know I'm not THAT dedicated. I worked out pretty hard last night, did a lot of weights with my legs and some ab stuff, only did about 10 minutes of cardio because my body was just worn out. So I made sure I went to bed at a reasonable time (hey, 10 pm is early for a college student!) and woke up around 730. I got a call from my boyfriend, which automatically made my day awesome, so then I thought "well since i'm up I might as well go workout" so i got up and threw a hoodie and some sneakers on. I was wearing the same workout gear from last night because I didnt take a shower after my workout, I know, I know, gross, but I was planning on going this morning,.. No judgment here please. Anyway I did some ab stuff and stretched reallllly well. I used to be flexible, and i want that back so bad. It hurts to stretch though because I did weights and my leg muscles are so sore. I miss high school, I had a couple of weight lifting classes and I was in such great shape.. the weight room at college intimidates me. Most girls don't enjoy lifting weights as much as I do, and for that reason there aren't many girls in there I can talk to or partner up with. Squatting is my favorite thing ever ever but I'm scared to do it for a couple reasons. One, I don't wanna seem "manly" or whatever. I had an ex boyfriend that got mad because he was a football player and could only squat 30 pounds more than me. Two, I really don't want guys trying to "help" me by spotting me, i can do it my damn self, I'm not trying to give  them an excuse to give me attention. So maybe overcoming the intimidation factor is something I can work on.

No weight change today, I'm back down to 159 but I can't wait to see that number drop. I'm not frustrated yet, I realize this is a long term thing.. plus I measured my waist yesterday and i've lost half and inch so now my waist is under 30.. yay!! Water intake is good, and my biggest accomplishment is that i didn't eat after dinner last night!! I was so hungry after my workout but I just pushed through it and went to bed. Way proud of myself. I might go workout later with my roommate, i wonder if two workouts a day is too much??

No, but seriously.

This college routine is already getting old. My days go from about 7 in the morning til about 7 at night, nonstop. As I sit here, waiting for my first class of the day to start, I already know I'm not gonna feel like working out tonight. I have 3 classes back to back, then I go to my job for 2 hours. Then at 530, it's dinner time. and THEN after all that, i'm supposed to kick my own ass in the gym. But that's part of it i guess, going and giving even when you don't want to. My eating habits have not been awesome, that Ramen in our apartment calls my name every night and I answer the call. Yesterday I had a really good discussion with some friends about weight loss and working out, and one of the tips they gave me was to not eat after dark. So starting today, i'm gonna implement that. Nothing after dinner. And it's not even that I'm super hungry when I get back to the apartment, i don't know what it is. Maybe it's just the routine that I crave, not the food itself. So this is what I've had so far to eat.

2 slices bread
2 tbsp peanut butter
16 ounces of water, working on another 20 ounces

If nothing else, I'm really proud that i've been drinking more water than i usually do. There's some crazy calculation to figure out how much water a person should drink per day, but I usually strive for around 60 or so ounces. I keep a water bottle with me all the time, and there are water fountains everywhere on campus, so it's not really an issue for me to stay hydrated. I won't get to eat lunch today, thanks to my crazy schedule, but I did sneak a few granola bars from the caf yesterday that I keep in my cubby at work, so I'll snack on those if I get hungry. I'm just ready to see some results, but I know that I'm not putting in the 100% i should be to see the results I want. So, even though I don't really wanna go workout tonight, I'm going to put in 45 minutes of cardio, some ab stuff, and maybe if I'm feeling awesome, I'll go to the weight room and do some on my legs and arms. No, but seriously. I will.

Too School for Cool

So I'm back in the old college routine.. getting up early, going to classes, spending time with my friends, squeezing a workout when I can.. I didn't reach my goal of 155 by the time I got back to school, I actually didn't lose anything at all since my last post. *sigh* lack of motivation, and lack of proper equipment will put a damper on even the most dedicated weight losers. But it's okay, because I stood on the scale this morning and it said 159.4. Good old 150's.. I always feel a sense of comfort when I see that 5 on the scale for some reason. I'm happy that it's not 160 anymore, but seeing that number also makes me want the 140s even more. So. about my routine for this semester. I worked out yesterday, did like 30 min on the treadmill (not running, mind you, who do you think I am?) at an incline.. interesting fact: walking at a moderate pace on a steep incline burns the same if not more calories than running on flat ground does. Yeah, i've been exploiting that little piece of information. Then I did like 15 min on the stationary bike.. not my favorite, but I needed my 45 min of cardio. I did a little bit of work on the ab ball, but I didn't wanna kill myself my first day back. Woke up this morning, realized I didn't have class til 11, considered, HIGHLY considered just laying in bed and playing on facebook, but then I thought about it. If i have time, why not just haul my ass outta bed and get up there and get it over with? I don't usually do morning workouts, cuz my class schedule is such that I usually go from 830 in the morning til about 530 in the evening, with work and whatnot, but I have 3 hours free right now on tuesday thursdays before my observation hours start. I had a mental battle with myself, but then I told my boyfriend I was going, and I feel like that was good for me, because I had turned thoughts into a verbal commitment, and that ALWAYS helps me do what I say I'm going to do. So i went up there, and I did quite a bit on my abs. i tried this new thing where I held 8 pound weights in my hands and bent at the waist on either side, so I could work my hate... er, i mean love handles. That's one part of my body that i despisseeee. UGH. anyway, more about that later. So then I got on the treadmill and did about 25 minutes, but I just wan'st really feeling it today. But now I have my workout in, i've taken a shower, and I'm ready to get this day over with. I'm hoping to get a workout in tomorrow, but I'm not gonna stress if I don't, cuz this isn't a sprint, it's a marathon (or whatever that stupid cliche is).. Besides, I don't even like running.

Weddings, whiskey, and weekends..

Well this weekend went about as I expected.. too much booze and too many carbs. I'm not mad really, I kinda figured it was going to be like this, and it's not like changes can happen over night, but i DEFINITELY could have practiced better eating ..and drinking.. habits. But, no use crying over spilled beer. To be really honest, I didn't even think about eating well this weekend. That's my bad; losing weight isn't just eating different foods or less of them.. it's a mindset change. This weekend, I wasn't ready to be in the right mindset. I'm not upset, but I'm more determined to make this week a good one. I'm scared to weigh myself, honestly.. I think i'm going to wait until Tuesday to weigh, so I don't pass out when I get on the scale.

Ok so something that happened Friday that I didn't get to write about. Cheerios. I don't eat them, but I had forgotten the reason for not eating them. Friday was a helpful reminder. I poured myself a moderate portion of honey nut cheerios and 2% milk Friday morning for breakfast.. yum, right? Right! So that was at like 10. I was laying in my bed playing on my iPod about.. 230 when it hit me. My stomach made such a huge noise I thought someone was talking to me from down the hall. "Whoa, that's weird.." I thought. It rumbled again, and before I had time to think about it, I proceeded to RUN to the bathroom because I thought I wasn't gonna be able to make it. While in there, relieving myself, I was going through the list of what I ate, I realized that I had Cheerios. I DON"T EAT CHEERIOS. why? Because their fiber content is massive, and I.. don't need any additional help in the "staying regular" department. So, lesson learned.. don't eat cheerios if you plan on being out in public within the next few hours. Thankfully, i was at home, but it could have been a LOT different.

So i'm going to this Zumba class this week with my mom, Thursday to be exact. I"ve seen Zumba being done, but never actually Zumba-ed.. It looks like it could be interesting and fun if I'm the kind of person who isn't afraid to embarrass myself. Thankfully, i'm exactly that kind of person. I don't really like working out with other people, but from what I know, Zumba isn't a really hardcore workout, so it'll be a good experience.

Mind on Repeat

Aah, mornings. My favorite time of day. You couldn't tell my dad that, though, he always annoys the hell out of me when I first get up and he wonders why I'm cranky. Anyway, mornings are awesome in my book 'cause it's when I weigh the least of the day. The verdict this morning? 159.2.

I've not eaten anything today, I'm not normally a big breakfast person. I just don't understand how eating in the morning is beneficial. Yeah, it's supposed to kick start my metabolism or whatever, but feeling of winning the battle is bigger than kickstarting my metabolism. Let me explain. Every day when I'm trying to lose weight feels like a war.. the first battle sight: my kitchen. "How long can I go without eating today?" is a question i've often asked myself. Usually it's around 1 or 2, but I've been known to go allllll day without eating. Am I proud of it? No. Well, maybe a little. Starving myself, even for a couple hours, provides a thrill for me, unmatched by anything else. That's weird, right? Well, I did use to have an eating disorder, and I've heard you're never fully over it, you're always a recovering bulimic or anorexic, much like alcoholics who have put down the bottle. There's always a possibility for relapse. In my case, not so much, but my mindset is what it is because of what I've gone through. I will never put my body in danger like that again, but the feeling of winning the morning breakfast battle is something that will never get old.

So. a little about my dieting history. I've counted calories, I've watched my fat intake, I've worked out every day for weeks, I've eating salads with mustard on them, I've cured my hunger pangs with dill pickles, I've suppressed my appetite with coffee, I've eaten my weight in lo mein and egg rolls (chinese = my weakness), I've snuck upstairs in the middle of the night and raided the cookie cabinet, I've taken diet pills, I've taken laxatives, I've drank nothing but water before, I've drank nothing but diet sodas before, I've weighed myself every day, I've gone weeks without stepping on the scale, etc. From one end of the spectrum to the other, I've been there. There's not much I've not experienced in the way of weight loss. I've had awesome victories, extreme failures, setbacks, plateaus, and roadblocks. This last time I was trying to lose weight, everything was going swell, until I got appendicitis and had to have surgery to remove my appendix. 3 scars, a few internal stitches. No strenuous activity for 4 weeks. mental DEFLATION of the success balloon. Yeah, I could have eaten better, but, come on, I just had surgery, I wanted comfort food!!

i'm hoping no setbacks or emergency medical conditions pop up this time that keep me from reaching my goals. I'd like to be 155 before I go back to school, which is a little less than 2 weeks away. Doesn't exactly fit in with my 1.5 pounds a week, it's a little more ambitious, but I'm just trying to see what my potential for weight loss is, with the moderate changes I"m making. I'm leaving this afternoon to go to a wedding this weekend, I can just imagine how that's gonna go down.Rehearsal dinner tonight, wedding and reception tomorrow night.. Cheese, bbq weenies, alcohol, finger sandwiches, etc will be present i'm sure. I"m gonna be good, though. I am. Cuz I want to see a change on that scale worse than I will want to try that fondue fountain.

The history.

Wow. Where do i start? I guess with a little about me. I'm a 20 year old girl, going to a private college in Kentucky. I'm your average college kid, I study hard, party harder, have my best friends that I love to death, and I have a great boyfriend. I'm a lover of the English language; writing makes me who I am. I'm always posting notes on facebook about my weightloss journey and struggles, so I thought I would start a blog. I realize that no one will probably read this, and that's okay. If one bored websurfer happens to come across my page and is inspired by anything that I put on here, that will be freakin' awesome, but this is more for me. I have so many thoughts rambling around in my brain, and I know from experience that writing helps me.

Anyway, enough about that. As far as weight loss goes, I've been through the deepest levels of hell, and I'm not exaggerating. When I was in 7th grade, I read a book in Mr. Deaton's reading class titled "Fat Chance." That book changed my life for the absolute worst. In elementary school, I was the average geeky, glasses-wearing, straigh-legged jeans sporting girl. I never really thought about my looks, I mean, in 6th grade, who does? Middle school was a BIG change for me. There were girls wearing makeup, talking about dieting and all that, and I was like "um, what?" So I read this book. It's about a girl, Judi Leibowitz, a 5 foot 4, 127 pound middle school who thinks she's fat. I could go into detail, but she ends up developing bulimia and is hospitalized. The review I just read on it said age level 10 and up. A must read! UM, NO. After I read this book, these thoughts got into my 13-year old head that maybe I was fat. I mean, come on. A girl that age doesn't realize that the moral of the story is to be happy with your body.. Anyway, so shortly after reading that book, and hearing some comments from unnamed family members about my "baby fat," I started on the long road with my good friend, Ed. (That stands for Eating Disorder.) I can remember the first time I threw up like it was yesterday. It was, after all, a defining moment in my life. We were at a political function over at my mom's friend's house. I had just PIGGED out on the catering there, and I thought "man i feel miserable, I wonder what it would be like if I threw up?" So, i went to the bathroom, turned on the ventilation fan in there, and hung over the toilet for the next 15 minutes. (It gets graphic, fyi) I was new at this, so I didn't know I had to actually stick my finger down my throat to throw up. Well, I figured that out real quick. I probably gagged myself 3 times before anything came up, and when it finally did, it CAME UP. all of it. After it was over, I laid on the floor of the bathroom, the beige tiles cooling my face. Tears were flowing and I couldnt understand why I was crying. I splashed some water on my face and waited until the redness had left my cheeks, then I proceed to join the party, and ate some more. I ended up bingeing and purging 4 times that night. 4 TIMES. Why? I don't know. I guess I thought that's what bulimics did.

So began my ...6? 7? year struggle with eating disorders. Oh, by the way, i'm 5 foot 3. And I probably was 5'1 and weighed around 115 at the time. Anway, bulimia and anorexia were constant companions in my life all throughout middle and high school, and the very beginning of college. There was this period of time where I was working out in my weight lifting class in high school, I was the height I am now and weighed 122 pounds. But I wasn't happy. Oh well, live and learn.

So here I am. I'm 161.2 pounds, as of an hour ago. I began this weight loss journey the summer of 2009  (summer before sophomore year of college), I weighed 180 (EEK) when I worked manual labor full time over the summer and dropped about 25 pounds. I got down to 155, go me!! I kept the weight off all of sophomore year, well most of it. I got back up to 162, been trying to keep an eye on it since August of 2010, and I've held steady. My goal has always been 145, and I'm sticking to that. This blog will serve as my confidante, my diary, my venting place, my bragging grounds, etc. I'd like to reach that goal by March of 2011. That gives me 10 weeks to lose 15 pounds. I'm no weight loss expert, but I'd say that's about 1.5 pounds a week. From my research, that's what most experts say to aim for. I don't go back to college for another couple weeks, so for now i'm gonna focus on eating healthy. I'm about to go to a wedding this weekend, though, and we all know how those buffet style things at the receptions go, but I'm really gonna try to be good. And if i'm not, well, i still have to hold myself accountable for it, so i might as well not do anything i'm too ashamed of.

So. First day of blogging, first day of food log (Don't judge, I didn't know I was gonna be telling people about this when I ate today. )

4 diet cokes
1 water
1 package of ramen noodles
1 slice of cheese
2 fried chicken tenders
serving of mac and cheese
2 of those little roll biscuit things
1 slice of pizza

yeah, yeah i know. drink more water, cut out the carbs. Trust me, i was thinking the same thing as I wrote it down. So, tomorrow I'm gonna focus on drinking more water. Hey, i'm a carb lover, and this isn't gonna happen over night.