The history.

Wow. Where do i start? I guess with a little about me. I'm a 20 year old girl, going to a private college in Kentucky. I'm your average college kid, I study hard, party harder, have my best friends that I love to death, and I have a great boyfriend. I'm a lover of the English language; writing makes me who I am. I'm always posting notes on facebook about my weightloss journey and struggles, so I thought I would start a blog. I realize that no one will probably read this, and that's okay. If one bored websurfer happens to come across my page and is inspired by anything that I put on here, that will be freakin' awesome, but this is more for me. I have so many thoughts rambling around in my brain, and I know from experience that writing helps me.

Anyway, enough about that. As far as weight loss goes, I've been through the deepest levels of hell, and I'm not exaggerating. When I was in 7th grade, I read a book in Mr. Deaton's reading class titled "Fat Chance." That book changed my life for the absolute worst. In elementary school, I was the average geeky, glasses-wearing, straigh-legged jeans sporting girl. I never really thought about my looks, I mean, in 6th grade, who does? Middle school was a BIG change for me. There were girls wearing makeup, talking about dieting and all that, and I was like "um, what?" So I read this book. It's about a girl, Judi Leibowitz, a 5 foot 4, 127 pound middle school who thinks she's fat. I could go into detail, but she ends up developing bulimia and is hospitalized. The review I just read on it said age level 10 and up. A must read! UM, NO. After I read this book, these thoughts got into my 13-year old head that maybe I was fat. I mean, come on. A girl that age doesn't realize that the moral of the story is to be happy with your body.. Anyway, so shortly after reading that book, and hearing some comments from unnamed family members about my "baby fat," I started on the long road with my good friend, Ed. (That stands for Eating Disorder.) I can remember the first time I threw up like it was yesterday. It was, after all, a defining moment in my life. We were at a political function over at my mom's friend's house. I had just PIGGED out on the catering there, and I thought "man i feel miserable, I wonder what it would be like if I threw up?" So, i went to the bathroom, turned on the ventilation fan in there, and hung over the toilet for the next 15 minutes. (It gets graphic, fyi) I was new at this, so I didn't know I had to actually stick my finger down my throat to throw up. Well, I figured that out real quick. I probably gagged myself 3 times before anything came up, and when it finally did, it CAME UP. all of it. After it was over, I laid on the floor of the bathroom, the beige tiles cooling my face. Tears were flowing and I couldnt understand why I was crying. I splashed some water on my face and waited until the redness had left my cheeks, then I proceed to join the party, and ate some more. I ended up bingeing and purging 4 times that night. 4 TIMES. Why? I don't know. I guess I thought that's what bulimics did.

So began my ...6? 7? year struggle with eating disorders. Oh, by the way, i'm 5 foot 3. And I probably was 5'1 and weighed around 115 at the time. Anway, bulimia and anorexia were constant companions in my life all throughout middle and high school, and the very beginning of college. There was this period of time where I was working out in my weight lifting class in high school, I was the height I am now and weighed 122 pounds. But I wasn't happy. Oh well, live and learn.

So here I am. I'm 161.2 pounds, as of an hour ago. I began this weight loss journey the summer of 2009  (summer before sophomore year of college), I weighed 180 (EEK) when I worked manual labor full time over the summer and dropped about 25 pounds. I got down to 155, go me!! I kept the weight off all of sophomore year, well most of it. I got back up to 162, been trying to keep an eye on it since August of 2010, and I've held steady. My goal has always been 145, and I'm sticking to that. This blog will serve as my confidante, my diary, my venting place, my bragging grounds, etc. I'd like to reach that goal by March of 2011. That gives me 10 weeks to lose 15 pounds. I'm no weight loss expert, but I'd say that's about 1.5 pounds a week. From my research, that's what most experts say to aim for. I don't go back to college for another couple weeks, so for now i'm gonna focus on eating healthy. I'm about to go to a wedding this weekend, though, and we all know how those buffet style things at the receptions go, but I'm really gonna try to be good. And if i'm not, well, i still have to hold myself accountable for it, so i might as well not do anything i'm too ashamed of.

So. First day of blogging, first day of food log (Don't judge, I didn't know I was gonna be telling people about this when I ate today. )

4 diet cokes
1 water
1 package of ramen noodles
1 slice of cheese
2 fried chicken tenders
serving of mac and cheese
2 of those little roll biscuit things
1 slice of pizza

yeah, yeah i know. drink more water, cut out the carbs. Trust me, i was thinking the same thing as I wrote it down. So, tomorrow I'm gonna focus on drinking more water. Hey, i'm a carb lover, and this isn't gonna happen over night.